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Parents who find themselves in the middle of custody disputes can take steps to improve their chances for shared custody at no extra cost to their case. Where shared parenting is already in place, parents can take steps to keep their shared parenting plan by preventing obstacles that might cause a change in circumstances. The following tips can be utilized by parents in all settings and especially ones who wish to maintain shared parenting after a breakup or divorce.

• • Be On Time Always. Everyone’s time is precious. Parents plan their day based on school schedules, work schedules, activity schedules and medical appointments. When something happens to throw a wrench into the day a parent must quickly adjust their plans. These adjustments can easily affect the children and their other parent. Chronic lateness can lead to negative outcomes such as missed medical appointments or extracurricular activities and anxiety. A chronically late parent can be certain the other parent is keeping a log of the excuses to present to the court given the opportunity. Occasionally, events may occur which put that wrench into the day, events should not occur frequently where it is causing everyone to make ongoing adjustments and creating chaos.

• • Keep A Regular Schedule For Parenting Time. Repeated changes or requests for changes to the parenting schedule for no other reason than that parent’s own convenience or lack of planning is an issue for everyone, including the children. Changes to the parenting schedule means everyone must change plans to accommodate the new schedule. While occasional changes are necessary it is best to keep a regular routine and schedule that both parents and the children can easily follow. The bottom line is that courts like schedules. Schedules show stability and consistency, especially for young children. There are circumstances where some parents have work schedules which are erratic. For parents with erratic work schedules, there is no magic answer except to try to be as predictable as possible for the children. Where older children are involved, they can be included in family calendars and/or charts to help everyone stay organized.

• • Be Organized. There are several online calendar apps such as Google Calendar that can be shared with other users. Sharing a calendar app allows parents to record appointments for the children in a place that both parents can be made aware of upcoming appointments, activities and special events. For parents who have more complex needs, there online co-parenting apps such as Appclose and Our Family Wizard which not only allow parents to share calendars they are also hubs for communication and document sharing. Co-parenting apps are great at helping parties keep a record of communication in an organized date and timestamped manner in case there are questions or there is a discrepancy. Our Family Wizard is accepted by Ohio courts for use by parents to help resolve some of the organizational issues between parents. Some apps such as Our Family Wizard do have an annual fee.

• • Accept that Your Ex Isn’t You. The children’s clothes may not exactly match, their hair is not combed normally, and they had pizza for breakfast after playing video games on Saturday night. The children may have also even been up a little later than normal. While one parent may have more strict routines, another parent may not follow the same routines or is laxer in their daily/weekend routines. Many children are happy even when the stricter routines are not followed, albeit they may not be as perfectly manicured and fed as they would be otherwise. The parent with more strict routines may feel ready to nit pick and tear apart the children’s good time and fun due to the children not having their routines done exactly as before the breakup. The best advice is just don’t do it. Instead, keep a log of concerns. A log of concerns can be used in court to help describe when a parent is acting against the best interest of the children. It is easier to see from a log over time if the concerns are a pattern of behavior, indicative of other issues or maybe the concerns are not valid at all.

• • Be Positive to the Children About Their Other Parent.  Children love both of their parents. Demeaning the children’s other parent to them is demeaning a part of them. Building up the children’s other parent’s talents to them and highlighting the positive ways they resemble their other parent helps to build self-esteem.  Being positive also builds trust. Parents who have a history of negative communication can improve their chances of shared parenting by learning new skills.  Many courts now require parents to attend classes and there are several online shared parenting classes and communication courses available. Some parents prefer to take the classes together and other parents prefer to take them separately. It is always beneficial to learn more positive ways to communicate and any class certificates can be used by parents to show the proactive measures they have taken in their request for shared parenting.

• • Discuss All Relationship and Parental Issues in Private. Discussions can easily be taken out of context or erupt into arguments especially when emotions from a breakup and separation are still very high. The children should never be placed into the position by their parents of taking sides. Taking care to keep communications private can help parents keep an upbeat relationship with their children and help prevent the children from becoming involved in the arguments of the parents. Parents should keep in mind that such arguments may be used against them if the children hear arguments at exchanges or in the presence of their parents which cause them to be upset or anxious. Older children may be given an opportunity to talk to the judge in private if issues are raised concerning negative communications and actions of the parents. Communications about issues related to the relationship or children can be done by text, email, private phone call or in a parenting app. Communications are best done in writing for parents who anticipate litigation concerning custody.

• • Participate in the Children’s School Events, Activities and Appointments. Shared parenting means that both parents will take responsibility for their children to attend important events, activities and appointments which are significant to the children. Parents should have a copy of the children’s school calendars and event calendars handy and they should be knowledgeable about their children’s schedules. Some parents share uniforms or special equipment or they have agreements to supply them separately. Keeping the children’s needs first and foremost is imperative to understanding their best interests. Being knowledgeable about events, even if an event cannot be attended due to work or other obligations, not only helps to show the children how much their parent cares for them, it helps to show the court that the children’s best interests are a top priority. It is strong evidence for any court to consider when a parent is consistently proactive and responsible at maintaining their own involvement in the children’s lives.

When arguments, miscommunication and events arise where parents are at odds and the children are upset it will be very difficult for the court to grant an order of shared parenting and shared custody.  In situations which are highly volatile it is more likely that one parent will be named the residential parent and legal custodian and the other will be granted visitation. Parents who practice good communication, courtesy and respect have better chances for a shared parenting and shared custody.

Please contact R. A. Parish Law, LLC (614) 407-0443, raparish@rplawohio.com to learn your legal options for shared parenting and shared custody.  No cost, no obligation 30-minute consultation.